i just wanna soil my oats bro
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
