Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
