literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just gargled with NyQuil
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
