he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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