Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize