I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
