are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
