He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
