aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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