No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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