It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
