dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
