i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
