Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This is my gift to your gina
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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