My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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