She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
