Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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