just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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