Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
