Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
