I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
