Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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