that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
