Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
