Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
