you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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