do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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