btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
