im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
