If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
