the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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