he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
