So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
