My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
