We need to start having sex underwater more often.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
