margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
