she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
