Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
