got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize