I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
