Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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