actually, I'm a sock model
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
