Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
