i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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