is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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