I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize