oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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