Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize