hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
