You work out of a Hotel?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
