so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize