why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
