help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
