So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
