Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
