just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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