I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
