i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
