hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
