Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
