walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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