you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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