Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
