Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
50% drunk capacity currently
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
