I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
