sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
