you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
