Don't you send me to vm
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
