dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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