Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
