I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
