Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
