her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
