he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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