and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
