Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize