Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
