wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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