I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish i was in the wii world.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
A+ Viking dick
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
