This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize