My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
