They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
