fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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