Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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