wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
