I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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