I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
