There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
