According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
