she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All I want is dick and wine.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
