kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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