Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
