im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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