Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
