She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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