I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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