Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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