ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
