I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
