Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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