watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
