Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
