Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
