I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
