yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
