Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
