Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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