so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
