I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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