Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
